Unattainable Crush of the Week

Week 2- Travis Clark


So, week number two, my pick is Travis Clark, 6'3" ginger lead singer of We the Kings (great band, by the way). Here's my case:

He plays guitar... and piano... and he sings... and he's good at it.

How can you not swoon at that smile? It basically says, "Take me home to meet your parents because they will love me even if I am a rock star with a billion tattoos."

Now, what was the last reason? Hmmm... oh yeah, THE HAIR! I mean, just look at it! I just want to touch it, and the fact that it's ginger is a super plus (for me at least).

Single Problems

There's a hockey game tomorrow night, and my friend* and I have been planning to go together for two weeks now. Longer, really, because we go to pretty much every game together unless one of us has to work. Anyway, I asked him tonight if we had a game plan for tomorrow yet, and he said that he might not be going because he might have a date. Excuse me?

I asked where he might be going on his date (with a guy he's never met before), and he said that he wanted to go to the hockey game. So... what he really meant was, I'm not going with you. And, if he goes and I go, too, then one of us will have to sit somewhere other than our regular seats. WFT?

Believe me, I'm going now, come Hell or high water. And, I'm sitting in my damn seat.

The problem with my righteous indignation? My best friend has to work, and he's my other hockey friend. So, I'm having to press gang my younger sister, who doesn't like hockey, into going. Oh yeah, and I don't have a date. Bollocks!

*In the spirit of full disclosure, he's gay, so I'm not jealous that he's going on a date, I'm freaking pissed that he is ditching me for some random guy that he met online.

Are you serious!?

So, today I started texting this guy that I met on a dating site.

The first red flag should have been when he asked if I would be willing to meet him and his family (who live closer to me than he does), but I let that go as just talk.

The second red flag should have been that while his profile says "schoolteacher," he's really a teacher's aide in school to be a teacher. Ok, so it was a little exaggeration, at least he has ambition, right?

Where I realized that he was way too serious? Text message number 10:

"What's your views on sex? I'm a very honest person, and I want to be able to talk about anything  with you and you be comfortable with me."

Holy guacamole, Batman! I don't even know if you have a pet, or any friends, or what is your favorite food, and you want to be able to talk about anything with me!? Too soon, Tiger.

Hoping that it was the wrong answer for him, I sent back the honest truth. I think sex is for after marriage. His reply?

"That's awesome. I feel the same way. Are you a virgin?"

Really!? Text message number 11, and he just asked if I was a virgin! I am, but so what? That's extremely personal. Way too soon. I said that I was, and he replied that he is, also, but I don't really care. What I can't get over is that that was the most important thing for him to ask me. That's not ok. That's a conversation for sometime after the first date, not for the first ten text messages.

So, tonight at work...

I work at a drugstore. You need to know that because 90% of the ridiculous crap that happens to me happens at work. Why is it necessary to know it's a drugstore? Because CRAZY people shop at drugstores. Normal people go to a supermarket or Target or Wal-Mart and buy everything they need there.

So, tonight there were these two girls wandering around the store, younger than me, all tarted up. I noticed them because they were all giggly and doing stupid girl things. After about fifteen minutes sifting through our V-Day clearance table, they bought something and left.

As they walked out the door, I heard a wolf whistle, and all I could think was "Oh, God, please don't let that be one of the creeps that's always in here. And if it is, please don't let him rape them before I can call the cops."

It wasn't one of the creeps. It was two teenage boys who will probably grow up to be creeps. But, now, I'm seriously concerned about my initial reaction. Am I really that cynical? Do I really think men are that degenerate?

Well, not all of them. Just the ones who come in the store. I've got to get another job.

Unattainable Crush of the Week

As the title suggests, I am going to share one of my totally unattainable, ridiculous crushes each week.

Week 1- Shea Weber

So why did I pick the Nashville Predators' 6'4" captain? I'm glad you asked.

Because he fills out a suit just right.

Because his aggression on the ice is super sexy.

And, because in this picture he is wearing a grandpa shirt, birth control glasses, and has insane-hermit facial hair, and I would still love to do unspeakable things to him.

The Sad, Sad List of Actual Potential Dates

1. Chinese Food Guy: He comes in and buys energy drinks and cigarettes at work. Nothing wrong with that. He works as a waiter in a Chinese restaurant. That's fine. He's 26. Perfect. He has a full set of grey fake teeth, hand tattoos, and probably only weighs 90lbs soaking wet. Damn.
2. McDonald's Guy: He comes in and buy cigarettes at work... everyday... two packs. Uhh... ok... He works 15 hours a week at McDonald's as a janitor. Nope, not good. He just got evicted for the second time in the last year. Nope. He's 51. Hell no!
3. The Chip Guy: He delivers the chips at work. Ok, whatever, it's a steady job. He hits on me. Little awkward, but could be alright. He's short and bald. Well, that's ok. He's sort of an asshole. Ugh. Oh, and he's married with kids. REALLY!?

And that's it. Those are the only guys interested in me. Now, you tell me, am I being too picky? Are my standards too high? Is a full set of teeth, someone under the age of thirty, and someone who's actually single really too much to ask? I think not.

So, my question is this: why are these the only types that are attracted to me? To clarify, those types are creepy old, trashy young, and married assholes. And, just so we're clear, I'm not being judge-y or stereotypical here because I actually know these guys. They've been after me for two years now. Come universe, throw me a bone!

"Getting to know you, getting to know all about you..." well, me, actually

At the age of twenty-two, I have decided two things for certain. 

1. I am tired of being serially single.
2. My life is too ridiculous not to share with the world.

So, I'm going to chronicle my sitcom-like antics in hopes that I can make someone out there smile. And, you know, maybe get a book deal or a tv show or something. Hey, it could happen... right?

Anyway, there are a few things you should probably know about me.

1. I am 22.
2. I have never been asked out or kissed.
3. I'm attracted to men.
4. My goal is always to make someone laugh.
5. I'm a thick girl with a pretty smile and a great personality.
6. Yes, I know I just labeled myself a "great personality" type girl.
7. I don't care.
8. I can be a little bitchy sometimes.
9. I'm rarely serious.
10. I'm rarely just kidding.

Also, I live in north Alabama, I'm a student studying communications, and I have a crazy cast of friends that have taken it upon themselves to help me find love. Or their version of it, anyway.