"The Talk"

Eventually, everyone gets "The Talk." I thought that I had escaped this rite of passage, but tonight, my mom took care of that. Yes, you read that right. Tonight. Just to clarify, I'm twenty-two (22) years old. 

The conversation went something like this: we started out talking about one of my friends who is a total Assy McAsshat, and progressed on to how Assy, my ex-friend Bitchy, and my actual friend were all drinking at the hockey game last week. My sister saw them and was telling my mom what a horrible friend Assy was and how much everyone hated Bitchy, so that led Mom to suspect that I, too, drink.

So, we talked about how I drink like once a year, maybe, and laughed at how my sister ratted me out without even thinking that might be what she was doing. After that, we talked about how we don't like the sports teams from New York (Yankees, Rangers, Jets, Islanders, Knicks, etc.)

Mom got up to go to bed, and I got up to get ready for bed (yes, we were in my bedroom because yes, I still live with my parents because I'm a poor college kid, but guess what, I'm cool with it because I'm debt free). Suddenly, she slammed my door open and said,

"And while we're having these talks, just in case you sometime decide to have sex, use protection."

Then, she slammed the door closed, leaving me to laugh at how slim a possibility that is, and at how lucky I am that my mom is freaking awesome. Oh, and, I got the Sex Talk. It's been an interesting night.