Shoutout to the Couple with the Lovely Wedding Party

Happy one week anniversary to the couple who got married on August 17, and had a lovely weeding party.

First, one of the bridesmaids came in wearing her bridesmaid dress. While it wasn't to my personal taste, it was pretty, and she looked pretty in it. She was buying condoms because the bride had forgotten to during the pre-wedding shopping trip. That cracked J---- and me up, so we laughed with her and told her to have fun and wish them luck.

Then, maybe fifteen minutes later, the groomsmen all came in looking sharp in their three-piece suits. I think men should always dress like that, because a nice suit makes guys who are just so-so look suddenly sexy. On top of all being cute, they were pleasant and funny.

My favorite was the one worried about the wrinkles in his suit coat. He was the last one out, and the cutest. I told him nobody would be looking at the groomsmen, that they were just there to take up space and keep the groom from bolting, which was funny because I couldn't stop looking at them. Then, we talked about how best he might be able to mix the Coke Zero he was buying with some Jack and sneak it into the wedding. He laughed and joked along, so he gets points for pretending I was witty.

Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple, your friends were really entertaining!

Random Cute Guy Sighting

There's a HEMSI driver that has come in at work to buy a snack on his break a couple of times in the last week or so, and he's a cutie. He's got a sweet smile and a good sense of humor. Just thought you should know.

For the Very First Time

Friday night, for the very first time, I felt like maybe a guy regretted not getting me when he had the chance.

I was at work (when am I not?), and I looked up and saw a guy I recognized from high school, so I said to J----, "Look, I went to high school with that guy," with the intent to fill her in on his reputation for being a druggie after he walked out.

Then, I saw the guy who was with him. J---- (the second guy) had been walking behind C----, so I hadn't seen him at first. You need some background on J----. He also went to high school with us, but he was a couple years older than me. I knew and liked him then because we were in the drama club (Thespian Society) together, and he was really funny. But then, as now, he was sort of in a different subclass than I was and am. Then, he was a wild, super outgoing guy who had a reputation for drinking and doing pot, and I was a quiet, band-geek/drama-nerd, teacher's daughter with a smart mouth if you were standing close enough to hear me. So, we ran in totally different circles.

Anyway, I looked up and saw him, and smiled because I recognized him, and told them both to have a good night. C---- didn't even look at me, but J---- smiled and said, "You, too." Then, he actually looked at me and kind of stopped. He smiled and kept walking, but then when he got past the inner door, he stopped again, and looked back at me. I made eye contact and grinned because I knew he was trying to place who I was in my head.

I guess something clicked, because he got this great big grin on his face, and came back though the door. He said, "Hey, fellow Thespian!" I said hey back, and walked over to where he had stopped by the door that leads behind the counter.

When I stopped in front of him, his eyes when up and down me, and his pupils dilated a little. He gave me an awkward sort of compliment, and the accompanying gesture was one that led me to believe he was really thinking about what it would be like to put his hands on me. Then, he said, "I recognized your voice while I was back there," gesturing toward the pharmacy. "I just heard a familiar voice, and then here you were."

Now, I don't know if that was actually true or not, but I do know that I have a fairly memorable voice, so I won't call bullshit on it.

Then, he said, "I don't know if you want to hug me or not, I been doing some scuzzy work..." He kind of held his arms out and shrugged.

He did look dirty, but I smiled, told him I didn't care, and hugged him. One-armed, but chest-to-chest. I'm lead by some magazine articles to believe that that is a significant detail.

It was a quick hug, and he didn't grope me, or anything. Then, he told me to have a good night and weekend, kind of awkwardly, like he would have liked to stay longer, but C---- had gone outside before J---- had even stopped to talk. But he was looking back the whole time he was walking out.

And I ate it up! I loved the way he looked at me liked something he wanted made me feel. I felt sexy in a way I never have before. And, to be quite honest, even though I'm about 98% sure he was buying Sudafed with which to manufacture meth, I can't say that I would have said no. I mean, I don't think I would have slept with him, but in the mood I was in after the week I had, I definitely wouldn't have turned down a mauling. Hey, he's still a bad boy, and I'm still young enough to want to try that, maybe.

So, that's the story of how I entertained the thought of a torrid make-out session with a druggie. So much for having standards.

Today Was "The Most"

It was. I thought I was exhausted having not gone to sleep until 3:30 am until I checked facebook and N---- hadn't gotten home from the club until 6 am. That was my first clue that today was just going to be stupid. The two of us do stupid stuff when we aren't dog tired, but both of us dog tired working all day shifts. Go ahead and write it off as a dumbass day.

Then, customers just kept doing stupid shit. One man brought in a floppy disk to see if we could process pictures stored on it. Let me run that by you again. He had a floppy disk. I literally saw it and thought, "What the fuck is that?" That's how long it's been since they've been relevant. And that was one of the more pleasant dumbass moments of the day.

One woman asked me 87 questions. While I was trying to walk through the store to the restroom.
I couldn't remember how to do the morning paperwork.
It took me like four hours to put all the sale signs up in the vitamin section.
A woman asked me a question about phone cards. I told her I didn't know anything about them, that the company I work for doesn't do anything but sell them, and that she would have to call the customer service number on the back of the card. And she still kept asking me about the stupid cards! For half an hour! WTF?!
The some grown-ass men came in and started bouncing the balls that we have in one of those weird bungee cord cage things. It pisses me off when little kids do it. Turns out, it pisses me off more when grown-ass men do it.

But all of that to say that today, during "the most" bizarre day I've had in a while, I am almost certain I checked out D-----, one of the local hockey players. And instead of asking if it was him, or making conversation, or flirting, I stared at him like he had six heads.

What the hell am I doing!? He was cute. He may have been a hockey player. He had epic facial hair. He had a nice voice. And all I did was ask if he had one our cards, give him his total, and tell him to have a great day! All while staring at him with this goofy-ass grin.

Excuse the French I'm using liberally today, but FUCK! No wonder I'm single. I've got about as much game as  a dead sloth.

Honestly, the best thing I can say about the whole thing is that he smiled at me the whole time I was staring at him. I'd love to have a do-over.

I'll take that as a compliment...

Tonight at work, this woman in her forties came in, and I complimented her ring (it was really cool looking, and I get distracted by shiny things). She thanked me and started telling me about the ring she usually wore. Her friends told her to stop wearing it because it made people think she was married, and then she joked that that must be the reason why no one had asked her out in a while.

I told her I totally (yes, I did say totally, so what if I sound like a thirteen year-old, it's my life) understood, but that I never wear any rings.

She looked at me, a little confused and said, "Are you married?"

This, of course, made me laugh, and I told her, "No, I've just never been asked out."

I would have given anything to have a picture of her face when she said, "EVER!?"

Then, the one she made when I said, "Nope, never," was even better.

Then, she asked if I went out and did things, to which I replied that I don't "party," but I go to lots of sporting events (code for hockey games) and to the movies and out to eat and pretty much all over the place. Then, she asked, "What about friends from high school?" To which I replied, "They don't exist."

So, then, I got a well intention spiel about how love will happen when I'm not looking for it, blah, blah, blah...

But her total shock. It was priceless. And because it's my policy to take everything as a compliment unless even rose-tinted glasses can't make it a good thing, I'll take that one.

Maybe Work on the Approach a Little

Friday night, after the hockey game, the team stuck around to sign autographs. Now, my sister is an autograph fanatic, so she and her friend waited to get their team posters signed. My friend and I opted out of the autograph signings because if we actually meet them, they're real people, and it's more fun to imagine them than actually think of the real person.

So, while we waited for Kate and Lindsey, Anna and I walked around the park because it was a BEAUTIFUL night. There's a road that cuts the park in half, and we were walking along it about to head back to my car when this guy walks up behind us and says something really quick so neither of us understood him. We stepped off the sidewalk, thinking he wanted by, but he just kept standing there looking at us. Then, he said (mostly to his shoes), "I was wondering... if maybe.. you'd liketogooutfor dinner with... menmifrend."

Both of us were shocked, and immediately said, "No, thank you," as politely as we could. He said ok, and we parted ways, but it was so bizarre. He wasn't creepy, but the randomness of the situation made it creepy. We weren't sure whether he was asking us on a date, or soliciting us. Made for an amusing story, though.

So, kudos, dude, for actually walking up to a couple of girls and asking them out. Just work on that confidence level and the setting a little. You'll be unstoppable. :)

That Was Classy...

...Not So Much

Tonight, my friend and I had to pick some things up at Wal-Mart, and as we were walking back to my car, we passed the truck with window paint writing on the back window. I didn't pay any attention to it until she stared laughing and asked if I read it.

It said, "I'm single, hit me up," and had a phone number. Unfortunately, the owner was standing right there, otherwise, I would have collected photographic evidence. He was probably in his mid- to late-twenties, but I didn't really form an opinion on his attractiveness because I was trying not to get caught staring.

But, really, how desperate do you have to be? I'm sure he gets some classy responses.

Random Year-old Single Rant

So, I was going through a notebook I used for school a couple of semesters ago, and I came across this rant that I wrote down while not paying attention in class. It made me laugh out loud at myself, so I hope you enjoy it, too.

I'm not learning anything in here. None of this makes any sense. 

Ugh. I'm going to be 21 years-old, and going to my cousin's wedding single. Dang it. How pathetic am I? I need a romantic relationship, stat. It's getting desperate. I mean, really? A felon? No, thanks, and no thank you, D-----, too. Someone attractive and acceptable needs to find me attractive and ask me out. Please and thank you. Because I'm sick of being single. I'm sick of being a strong, independent woman. I want romance. I want a relationship. I need affection and respect. And I need it and want it now. All wrapped up in a non-ugly, preferably ginger package with a great sense of humor and similar religious convictions. That not too much to ask, is it? Is it? He doesn't have to be ginger. He could have blond hair, or brown. And he doesn't have to be hot or drop-dead-gorgeous, just attractive to me. Although, I wouldn't turn a sexy, drop-dead kinda guy down. At this point, I think I'd even go out with N---, and I don't even think he's cute, and I do think he's a big bowl of crazy flakes. 

Everybody I went to high school with... I don't like that sentence. They're all gonna start getting married and having babies soon, and I'm still going to be single. I'm quickly becoming an old maid, and I'm not ok with that.

Why is Prince Charming taking so long? Did my frog prince get dissected? Or was my fish lost in the oil spill? At least, let me know he's out there somewhere. I'm too old to have never been kissed. For heaven's sake, even C------'s been kissed, and I'm much more pleasant to be with than she is. Aren't I? My people skills are very superior to hers. Right?

Honestly, how random can I be? The felon I'm referring to is one of two people, either this guy that I was convinced was a drug dealer or this guy that my friend wanted to set me up with who did drugs. Either way, not a great catch. D----- was a guy my dad's age that gave me his number, and N--- was a big bowl of crazy flakes.

It just cracks me up how nothing has changed. I'm still single, still making jokes about it, and still going to be the only one at my ten-year high school reunion without a ten year-old. Although, I'm ok with not having a four year-old right now.

Just thought I'd let you see what really goes on in my head. Hope it made you laugh.