Why do guys suck at communicating?

Tonight, I got a message from a guy on OKC. It was all totally grammatically incorrect, but the English translation was basically he thought I was cute, wanted to talk, and he had just come home from a tour in Afghanistan a few days ago, so his profile was lacking.

So, I responded that I was doing well, getting ready for vacation, welcomed him home, and asked if he was glad to be home.

He responded that he was really glad. Period. That was it.

I waited a while, decided I'd just let it go, then, decided it would be rude not to respond. So, then I asked what he planed to do now that he's back.

Relax. As much as possible. That was his response.

How am I supposed to respond to that? Oh, well, that's nice? Do guys not know that you have to give the other person something to go on?

I mean, it would be one thing if I had contacted him first, and he was just responding to be polite, but, no, he started it! So, why did he act like it was a burden, and a boring one, to talk to me?

If you want to talk to me, fine. If you don't, then don't start a conversation. I'm not going to chase someone, or beg them to talk to me. I want a relationship, but I'm not desperate. I've got too much pride for that.

Warning: Angry Word Vomit

I have nothing to share.

Sorry. What can I say? 

My parents are getting divorced. I think I just broke up with one of my friends because I can't deal with the kind of maintenance the relationships requires. I have to write a gajillion papers. Money is tighter than a hipster's pants. I work 950 hours a week.

So, please, tell me when I'm supposed to be looking for Mr. Right? Hell, when am I supposed to look for Mr. Right-Now?

I guess, really, what I'm saying is this: if one more person tells me that I need to put more effort into finding a boyfriend right now in my life, I'm going to go ape-shit.

Yes, I'm single. Yes, I would love to have someone who cares for and supports me that I can, in turn, care for and support. But you know what? That doesn't just jump out of the bushes when you walk down the street. It takes looking to find a guy worth the effort, and right now, time is what I just don't have.

I'm not giving up, my eyes are still peeled. I just needed to vent that because I hate the way people who have never in their lives been totally single with no one at all interested in them think they can tell me (and people like me) that we should just get significant others. As though we can go to Target and pick one up. 

They're people. Not tampons. He has to like me. And I have to like him. It doesn't work one-way. I like Adam Levine. He's not my boyfriend. See how that works?

Oh, and if I happen to be ringing a cute guy up, I don't need anyone standing over my shoulder watching ("helping") so they can tell me what I did wrong. I don't need anyone telling me that I let my future walk out the door, or that he drove away in a BMW with an UoAlabama Alumni tag on it. 

Honestly, yeah, he was cute, but U------ stood there and starred at me, so I already felt super uncomfortable. Then, while he was actually checking out, he didn't make eye contact with me. Not once. That's rude. So, I don't are how many nice cars or degrees he has, if he can't treat a cashier like a person, then I'm in no way interested. 

So, there it is: my super explosion. If you read the whole thing, you should get a cookie. I apologize. I'll go back to just noting random hot guys now.

Today Was "The Most"

It was. I thought I was exhausted having not gone to sleep until 3:30 am until I checked facebook and N---- hadn't gotten home from the club until 6 am. That was my first clue that today was just going to be stupid. The two of us do stupid stuff when we aren't dog tired, but both of us dog tired working all day shifts. Go ahead and write it off as a dumbass day.

Then, customers just kept doing stupid shit. One man brought in a floppy disk to see if we could process pictures stored on it. Let me run that by you again. He had a floppy disk. I literally saw it and thought, "What the fuck is that?" That's how long it's been since they've been relevant. And that was one of the more pleasant dumbass moments of the day.

One woman asked me 87 questions. While I was trying to walk through the store to the restroom.
I couldn't remember how to do the morning paperwork.
It took me like four hours to put all the sale signs up in the vitamin section.
A woman asked me a question about phone cards. I told her I didn't know anything about them, that the company I work for doesn't do anything but sell them, and that she would have to call the customer service number on the back of the card. And she still kept asking me about the stupid cards! For half an hour! WTF?!
The some grown-ass men came in and started bouncing the balls that we have in one of those weird bungee cord cage things. It pisses me off when little kids do it. Turns out, it pisses me off more when grown-ass men do it.

But all of that to say that today, during "the most" bizarre day I've had in a while, I am almost certain I checked out D-----, one of the local hockey players. And instead of asking if it was him, or making conversation, or flirting, I stared at him like he had six heads.

What the hell am I doing!? He was cute. He may have been a hockey player. He had epic facial hair. He had a nice voice. And all I did was ask if he had one our cards, give him his total, and tell him to have a great day! All while staring at him with this goofy-ass grin.

Excuse the French I'm using liberally today, but FUCK! No wonder I'm single. I've got about as much game as  a dead sloth.

Honestly, the best thing I can say about the whole thing is that he smiled at me the whole time I was staring at him. I'd love to have a do-over.

Random Year-old Single Rant

So, I was going through a notebook I used for school a couple of semesters ago, and I came across this rant that I wrote down while not paying attention in class. It made me laugh out loud at myself, so I hope you enjoy it, too.

I'm not learning anything in here. None of this makes any sense. 

Ugh. I'm going to be 21 years-old, and going to my cousin's wedding single. Dang it. How pathetic am I? I need a romantic relationship, stat. It's getting desperate. I mean, really? A felon? No, thanks, and no thank you, D-----, too. Someone attractive and acceptable needs to find me attractive and ask me out. Please and thank you. Because I'm sick of being single. I'm sick of being a strong, independent woman. I want romance. I want a relationship. I need affection and respect. And I need it and want it now. All wrapped up in a non-ugly, preferably ginger package with a great sense of humor and similar religious convictions. That not too much to ask, is it? Is it? He doesn't have to be ginger. He could have blond hair, or brown. And he doesn't have to be hot or drop-dead-gorgeous, just attractive to me. Although, I wouldn't turn a sexy, drop-dead kinda guy down. At this point, I think I'd even go out with N---, and I don't even think he's cute, and I do think he's a big bowl of crazy flakes. 

Everybody I went to high school with... I don't like that sentence. They're all gonna start getting married and having babies soon, and I'm still going to be single. I'm quickly becoming an old maid, and I'm not ok with that.

Why is Prince Charming taking so long? Did my frog prince get dissected? Or was my fish lost in the oil spill? At least, let me know he's out there somewhere. I'm too old to have never been kissed. For heaven's sake, even C------'s been kissed, and I'm much more pleasant to be with than she is. Aren't I? My people skills are very superior to hers. Right?

Honestly, how random can I be? The felon I'm referring to is one of two people, either this guy that I was convinced was a drug dealer or this guy that my friend wanted to set me up with who did drugs. Either way, not a great catch. D----- was a guy my dad's age that gave me his number, and N--- was a big bowl of crazy flakes.

It just cracks me up how nothing has changed. I'm still single, still making jokes about it, and still going to be the only one at my ten-year high school reunion without a ten year-old. Although, I'm ok with not having a four year-old right now.

Just thought I'd let you see what really goes on in my head. Hope it made you laugh.